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SDP Nearly Bags EU Membership for Singapore
Posted on Thursday, April 26, 2007
Topic: International News
by Cockmaster
In a very bold and audacious move, the SDP secretly filed for Singapore to become a member of the European Union and almost succeeded.
The unauthorized application was only discovered when Dr. James Gonzo, a Spanish lawyer in charge of filing the application documents failed to include a required form on the rights of minority groups in Singapore.
Dr. Gonzo had been requested to help file the application by a Spanish-Singaporean medical practitioner – one “Dr. Chee San Juan” – who told him that no senior SDP members are currently allowed to leave Singapore and the documents had to be filed in Brussels by a representative of the state.
While admitting that the application was a fraud, Dr. Gonzo did not accept that he forgot to file the document on minorities, but video surveillance cameras revealed that instead of handing over the partially completed form, he had put it in his briefcase and left.
When asked why no-one in the EU headquarters reacted when a Spanish citizen filed the documents on behalf of the Singaporean Government, Mr. Jürgen Müller, a spokesman of the EU, explained, “they forgot to check his ID. Hhe claimed to be speaking something he called Singlish but no one really understood what he was saying, so they assumed he said ‘Spanish’.”
Mr. Müller continued, “In hindsight, it is remarkable that the approval process was almost completed before the fraud was discovered, I mean, Singapore isn’t exactly a part of Europe. Apparently no-one in the office ever heard about Singapore, we got so many applications lately, the secretary thought it was one of the small city states in Italy or the Alps, like Monaco or San Marino.”
Prof. Ralph Johnson, an expert on European Union Law, calls the incident unprecedented and highlights an intriguing fact about EU membership, “the thing about EU is that you cannot cancel your membership, no state has ever left the Union and there simply are no laws regarding this matter, it is not an option. In other words, had Dr. Gonzo succeeded there is no way that the Singaporean Government could have cancelled the membership, not even by force.”
Prof. Johnson continued, “The Singaporean Government would have been forced to break down all the state monopolies, abolish the death penalty, cut back on censorship, allow street protests, independent trade unions, anonymous elections and strikes. They would have to give up many of the highly regarded “Asian values” but in return they would have gotten unlimited access to the world’s biggest market and the protection of European armies, which admittedly didn’t work out very well last time for Singapore.”
Finally, he added, “According to the logic of Minister Mentor Lee, joining the EU would also make it okay not to have astronomical Ministerial salaries, so lucky for them the application was caught in time.”
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