Breaking News from the S.O

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Singapore was engulfed in a hazy haze early Tuesday morning. Satellite pictures from a classified source show that there are as many as 50,000 hot spots cover mostly residential areas in Singapore around 1215 hours Singapor time on Tuesday morning.

"I dun understand" says a top scientist, Ms Hazel, who is with the classified department of the US agency, NABEI. " We have our satellites trained on Indonesia, covering their forest fire, trying to control their spread, but woah, alarms suddenly rang, warning of numerous hotspots spotted North and East of Indonesia, and on the map, it show Singapore."

"We have check with the records. Singapore hotspots always occur around this period. Around Singapore birthday. And it always last 1 month, and sometimes, 2 months. Is this some sort of a ritual that every Singaporean must go through? Just like NS?" questioned another scientist at NABEI.

Meanwhile, the agents from NABEI had contacted the Singapore Gahmen authories, warning them about the hotspots appearing almost together as the clock struck midnight. CIA and FBI had also been notified and they are now attempting to trace if the hotspots are related to any terror incidents.

The reporter (S.O) himself had been making rounds over residential areas especially Bukit Gorlock, upon hearing the news.

"What do you mean, hotspots appearing in Singapore? who dare to set fire to our nature reserve?" cried one resident, as he threw some rolled-up paper thingy into a bin filled with flames, when asked for comments.

"What? Singapore is on fire? Oh shit, i did not have any fire protection home insurance plan!" cried another, as she whipped out her mobile phone. "'excute me, but i have to call my agent now."

"Aiyah, those si ang mors dunno anything about seventh month of the lunar calander lah" exclaimed another resident, when interviewed. "those ang mors only know hello-kitty or hello-win, whatever you pronounce. What do they know about the china culture?"

Under the chinese culture, 7th month of the lunar calendar means the gates to hell are opened, and for the whole month, the spirits of the netherworld are allowed to roam the world, and that's when the chinese would offer "money", "food", "wine", clothings" to those spirits. The hell notes would be burned, including all the other "paper offerings", and usually most Chinese in Singapore would start burning incense, and offerings on the first day itself.

Gahmen authories, when contacted, shugged off the comments from US. "Archerly hor, there is nothing to fear about. Its just a burning issue." reply one Gahmen authority spokesperson, who refuse to be identified. "I also make offerings during this period and pray that we will win the next GE!"

The Singapore Civil Defence Force, on the other hand, had reported an sharp increase in reports of fire, and the Singapore Police Force, similary, had reported a sudden increase of calls to its hotline, notifying the police or arson cases.

In a related case, police had went to a hawker center underneath a block of flats, after some customers had complained of people smoking in the non-smoking area. The police left after an investigation, and the investigation showed that there's no one smoking in the non-smoking area.

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Okie... I have to confessed. Those in green, i made it up, in case some morons really started to believe what i had written.

I got this inspiration when i saw lots of people praying, burning offerings, and remembered a humor website, www.talkingcock.com

If you had noticed, i tried to copy the reporting style from that website, but i dun think i had succeed. But, i think its a nice style to begin a post in a blog. Ain't going to use this method too often, as i am already suffering an "brain playing dead" after the report.

Well, for those with history of asthma attacks, please take care of yourself during this period. Its going to be smoky, hazy for the next 2 months. Same for people with respiratory problems, and other medical problems that can be triggered by the smoke.

Happy 7th lunar month to all my readers out there!